Personally, I like guys who are “torpe”. I find their inability to express their feelings and awkward gestures cute, sweet and sincere. They are far different from a more experienced guy who knows his way around women like a snake and poisons your hearing with a rehash of sweet nothings.

Believe me, I’ve met and seen both. If you would have me choose, I would side with the classic torpe.

Now the term torpe belongs to the many words compiled by the Urban Dictionary. This is how they explained torpe when relating to courtship: “Being too shy to pursue amorous desires.” Torpe is a Spanish word which could also mean “stupid”.

Now a lot of you women asked this: Why is a guy torpe? He likes you but he won’t make the damn move. You know it’s not athritis. Sure he bids his time but hey, you do not have all the time in the world and you’re aching to move on to the next guy knocking at your door.

Understanding the classic torpe guy could probably help him loosen his tongue. Here are the top four reasons why a guy is torpe. The answers were based on the replies of a hundred guys, torpes included, in a Filipino public forum.

Fear of rejection (41%)

Guys could stand the harsh conditions in Iraq but not the pain of rejection from the woman he likes. His personal pride is at stake when he opens up to you. It’s a do or die thing for him. If you say no, the pain can be equated to a thousand daggers stabbing him. Or maybe even worse than that.

Lack of confidence (40%)

There are many reasons that can result to a guy’s diminished confidence when facing the girl he likes. The popular excuses for lack of game plan are not enough experience in courting a girl, simply shy, lack of money and typical loser mindset. All because he perceived himself as an all-time big fat wuss. Logically, why risk losing face when the torpe guy can slink away and root for her quietly without attracting trouble to his self-esteem?

She’s is one pretty bitch (9%)

Her cosmo looks, oozing sex appeal and steel-like demeanor make the torpe guy quake on his knees. She is successful, assertive and independent. She has a car, a rich dad and a platoon of servants at her bidding. What chances does the torpe guy have when their differences are so high and pronounced? He couldn’t even maintain his basic needs, what more of her unreachable standards? The torpe guy should be realistically grounded and find a more amiable mate.

He loves her (8%)

Can a torpe guy really love someone for real when he couldn’t even say “Hi. How’s the weather?” Guys claim that when they have spotted The One, things with them are not quite the same. When she smiles, his mind shuts down, he stutters out his greeting, his pulse beats fast he could actually collapse, and he loses control of his other senses.

To sum it up, the typical torpe guy is not really a bad kind of specie. He actually needs more time to prepare himself and get to know you more in a normal setting – as friends. He actually studies the girl he likes and checks if their lifestyles fit and their differences can be compromised. The torpe guy simply wants to be sure that you’re indeed the person for him and that you have actually convinced yourself to fall for him. It may sound lame, but it is an intelligent, deliberate and well-calculated move of sealing the victory in the end.

And by the time he’s ready, you’re over 35. Ha ha ha. Kidding.

Girls, I know this one sounds like the mother of all cliches. In fact, you don’t have to be a rocket scientist to answer this one particular question that has baffled women for generations – how can you tell that a guy likes you? Of course, a guy would tell you that he likes you. But what if this particular guy happens to be a classic “torpe”? How can you tell that the guy five floors under you, who quakes on his knees every time you bump with him in the elevator, is not having a diarrhea but simply exuding signs of being smitten by you? Same answer. Torpe or not, he would tell you. It’s pretty much a matter of time.

Of course, if that brave declaration is not supported with concrete actions, you have all the reasons to push him off the elevator. Just like what they say in the churches every Sunday: “Faith without works is dead.” A guy who does nothing to prove his intense liking for you is just out to flatter you. In other words, bolero.

I have just gathered the top 5 answers of both men and women online to give you a fairly accurate way of reading a guy’s mind. You might be interested to find that there are many tell-tale signs you may want to pay closer attention to next time you see the elevator guy. Sure he likes you. But mere liking is not just enough. Keep that in mind.

1. He spends time with you. (25%)

He likes to be around you all the time like a fly. If he is not physically present, like an OFW you met online, he spends dollars on telephone bills to make those long distance calls. He chats with you no matter what his timezone is. He simply cares.

2. He would tell you that he likes you. (24%)
Women were actually screaming this exact phrase in unison: “Do not assume (that a guy likes you).” In Bayani Fernando‘s language, “Bawal tumawid. May namatay na dito.”. A guy who treats you well is different from a guy who is totally nuts about you. If he does not say anything about his intentions, forget it. Those flowers he sent you meant nothing. In fact, it could be a move to spite the girl he likes who happens to be your best friend. Who knows?

3. He goes the extra mile to show that he cares. (22%)

To really have this count in your list, there should be some level of consistency on the guy’s part no matter how menial the task is. Does he walk you home most of the time? Does he drive you home from Makati all the way to Tanay? Does he make an effort to see you every once in awhile come hell or high water? Babysits your dog?

4. Sweet and thoughtful. (18%)

There are subtle ways that men do to show they care for someone. From lavish to simple gifts, everyday calls and text messages checking if you’ve taken your lunch and your anti-rabies shot, to his amazing display of patience every time he hears you vent tirelessly over a mascara meltdown.

5. He tries to get your attention. (11%)

I think this part is reserved for guys who have the balls to introduce himself to the girl he likes and asks her out without batting an eyelid. Not really for the faint in heart. But if he does it, chances are he really is into you and is out there to prove his worth. Just see how far he’d go.

John and his two sisters went to church at 8am without fail. Come hell or no water, you’d find them there at the last row of the balcony, all by themselves and sometimes joined in by other relatives. After church, they would all scurry down the hall to the terminal that would take them straight to home, rarely taking time out to check fellow human beings invading the nearby mall.

Having read and watched Twilight, his family’s semblance to the Cullens was pretty close except for the fact they went to church and they didn’t grow fangs. They didn’t eat at the restaurant because they prefer dining at home. John was neither that pretty to be Edward. Pale maybe. The rest of the brood was just as ordinary as anyone else in this country try to be. Pleasant, nice, kind and quiet.

Everything about him and his family was perfectly orchestrated in such a way one could easily distinguish black from white. Home-school-work-church routine was the way of life. It was one straight line doctors interpret as flat line. For a spectator like me, John was safe, boring and dead.

I am what he perceived a complete opposite of his being, a genetic anomaly that came across his realm one fine day. I am likewise a boring person but I tend to differ from known stereotypes. Like Barrack Obama, I like change. John is McCain. Somehow, those occasional chatroom dramas and 30-minute gossiping during church breaks helped melt down the iceberg between us.

John was flat line no more. Well, at least for now.

And some more. Those MRT rides where we were seated so close to each other I could actually smell his breath and tell what he had just eaten. Our shared interest in the arts. And the early mornings we spent jogging together made my friends wish they could borrow him too.

My girl friends envied me for having a close male friend I could count on when my desktop suffers memory loss or when I need an instant movie date. He may not be aware of the fact that aside from being my personal mechanic, he was also my savior when boredom strikes the hardest.

But since I was busy investing emotionally on this other guy, I didn’t see Good Guy for all his worth. Any romantic thoughts about him I regarded as an incestual desire worthy of hell that made me wince and go “yuck”. Not that he’s “yucky”. He was my boyfriend’s best friend.

Apparently, this turned out to be one of the biggest regrets in my history book. Lately, he’s been out making a name for himself and meeting more girls while I dug myself deep in my new-found career and rescuing my already doomed relationship. We hardly had time to see each other. Like all the tragic stories of those people who came in late, I’ve missed out on his growth years. By the time I forced myself back into the scene, it was a little too late. Things had changed.

I found myself wishing I should have been attentive enough to see him not just as a well-meaning friend but a potential mate whose lousy pick-up lines had actually melted me into water. I wish I have not wasted those years in a relationship with his best friend that ended up in a bin. I wish I have spent those times just getting to know Good Guy more – the other things he does, the other books he reads, the kind of music he listens to, and decipher the mystery why girls with long hair are so special to him. (Although every time I asked him about the hair thing, he’d shrug it off and call me silly.)

This time, you won’t find me sitting idly by the wishing well, or waiting for the next planetary alignment. I do really like him. And it’s time to put my imagination to work and do something.