Have you recently tried the personality assessment of Chemistry.com? I did a couple of months ago and boy, I wasn’t surprised at the results. I was diagnosed the “explorer/builder” type of person.

This was how they explained me:

ABOUT YOUR PERSONALITY

You have a great deal of energy and vitality. You are curious, creative and resilient. You have many interests; and you find pleasure in doing and thinking about all sorts of things.

You tend to be optimistic, seeing the world as a place of adventure– physical, intellectual or both. You seek first-hand experiences. And when you embark on a project or expedition, you like to be organized, thorough and responsible.

You enjoy the pleasures of the senses, yet you are firmly grounded in reality and live in the here and now. You can be charming and charismatic; and you sometimes like to surprise those you love with generous presents.

You also have a clear moral compass and stand up for your beliefs. And in spite of your flexibility and enjoyment of novelty, you have a genuine respect for home, family, work and community. You are conscientious, dependable, cooperative and protective.

IN LOVE & RELATIONSHIP

You are attracted to people who will explore ideas, philosophies, cities and/or the natural world with you. You like spontaneous, curious risk-takers like yourself. And you want a partner who shares your live-and-let-live attitude. But you also need someone who is eager to help you build strong family and community ties. You are interested in sex (Well who isn’t? – Mudraka); sexual compatibility is an important part of your primary relationship. Although you like to spend your money, you admire frugal people and believe in saving-except when an appropriate adventure comes along. And you seek a partner who is pragmatic, who shares your view of duty and tradition and whom you regard as moral and cooperative. Yet he or she has to have your level of energy and curiosity too.

I think the results came in pretty accurate. By the way, it’s a matchmaking website so there’s actually a fee if you want to fish for guys there. I didn’t subscribe. I’m not interested in guys six to 24 hours ahead my timezone.

What are your results?

I wonder how he is really like in person.

For the past 6-7 months, I nurtured this idea of him as a person who does not respect other people’s time. Managing to squeeze you in his tight calendar is his way of making you feel privileged, because, yeah, he’s one hot busy guy. So imagine my rage when he actually decided not to show up on our first date without properly informing me. Oh, he did. He texted a friend in Saudi, then Saudi friend texted my girl friend, and my girl friend had to relay the bad news to me. I was in the middle of the traffic jam already on my way to that resto…The jerk did not even bother to save my number.

I almost cursed that day and wished the earth would open up and swallow him in. Because if I ever see him, even just a strand of his hair, I’d be delighted to nuke him right where he stands. So he’d better not send a word, call or text because I would be spitting fire at him to my heart’s content.

I was angry. Really angry. I think he felt the tremor so he sort off disappeared from my radar.

But, as usual, time heals all wounds, and it makes you forget all those little sins. Sensing the storm was over, he made his presence felt a month ago. And because I don’t normally harbor any ill-feelings that long, I started becoming civil and managed to joke about his last year’s no-show. He seemed to be a nice guy, just like what his best friend told me. Looks like we’re bound to get along well after a pretty rocky start.

Who knows.

I woke up one cold night and found out I was already 34.

The scary part was this realization: I have like six more years before I reach 40.

My mind raced through the future and brought back with it a vague premonition of doom. If I wasn’t able to accomplish what I was set out to do in the past 10 years (I mean sealing the forever deal with a boyfriend), what chances do I have now with a six-year deadline?

I felt the clock had completely betrayed me. It became imminently clear. There was a conspiracy the universe was not telling me.

So I sneaked out to the fridge in the middle of the night and got myself a slice of this Parisian cheese bread. I opened my laptop and started doing an inventory of things I probably did WRONG until I was 33. Below is a list that begins with letter “I”:

- I dressed up like a dork for many years. Because I thought it was cool to look like Girl, Interrupted. (The Winona Ryder part.)

- I always cut my hair short because I consider combing the hair every freaking hour of the day a disease.

- I spent a lot of time working my way and down the corporate ladder. Weekends included. It made me feel powerful. Like Hillary Clinton.

- I sacked guys who usually had an intense liking for me. Because I thought they were retards.

- I didn’t give second chances to guys I had dated. Like the dentist I brought to a funeral parlor.

- I thought keeping yourself beautiful was mere vanity. It was only 5 years ago when I was introduced to spas and facials. Last year, hair rebonding.

- I read “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” when I was 26 and lived it out to the dot like a monk. Thou shall not date. If you date, bring your friends. Nothing wrong with this when you’re 12.

- I talked a lot about politics, religion, gossip, work, women’s rights and HTML during dates. I was once labelled a feminist and an activist by this guy I call “Creep”.

- I had unrealistic expectations and irrational views about men. Men are supposed to be strong and act like natural-born leaders. But we do know that it isn’t always the case, right?

- I didn’t know what I really wanted.

There goes my list of dirty laundry (a.k.a. wrong mindsets). It took me, what, 34 years to figure these out?

Holy cow.